Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The Hollywood Hills are alive with the sound of music




Hello Pop Stars!

Tomorrow I embark upon my trip to La La Land. I am going to shop like a mad woman, eat like crazy and stalk some of my favorite reality show plastic surgeons--Garth Fischer, Jason Diamond, Richard Ray respectively. Just kidding about the stalking part, but I am a true fan of reality plastic surgery shows.

I hope that the beloved Franco is not on vacay so I can go to the exclusive Luckyscent (luckyscent.com). There is a bottle of VIP Room there with my name on it.
I am also going to Fred Segal in Santa Monica to shop with my girls! Maybe I will spot an Olsen Twin or Michael Keaton. I saw them both there last time.

*Mwah* right cheek, *Mwah* left cheek Darlings!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Oh to be That Girl!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Drivin' in a Pink Cadillac.....

Can I talk about something I cannot stand?
Ok Thanks. I will then.
I cannot stand aggressive Mary Kay salesladies. What is it with these ladies? They stalk me--I swear they do. I have been approached by them at the mall, at the place where I get manicures, at parties, at church (for God's sake people), at the gym etc. I must have that face that says *come bother me with whatever crap you happen to be selling*! I have NEVER worn Mary Kay, nor do I plan on it.

They start out all the same with pick up lines that rival a drunk frat boy on Penny Beer night. They begin by telling you how pretty you are, or how great your skin is. Puh Leez! That is how they get your attention--then BAM they start in with their crap. "Have you ever heard of Mary Kay Cosmetics?" "It is the number one selling skin care and makeup line in the United States." OH REALLY? Tell that to Shiseido --idiots! I do not even know anyone who wears Mary Kay cosmetics anymore. When I was growing up (in Oklahoma) all my friends and I wanted it because it came in groovy pink packaging. Granted we were in 7th grade, but still. It was considered " high-end" to me and all my junior high friends. All the beauty queens wore it, and that is a HUGE selling point in Oklahoma and Texas!

Have you ever been to Dallas? More specifically, have you ever driven to Dallas going South on I-35? Well if you have not--you are missing out. Right when you get into Downtown Dallas Proper there is a HUGE ( and not at all obnoxious) PINK MIRRORED SKYSCRAPER that is the monument to Mary Kay. It is the Mary Kay national headquarters. It is where the magic happens. Word to the wise--if you drive by it at about 8pm in the summer, the setting sun reflecting off those horrible pink mirrored tiles can burn your eyes into pieces of charred coal. Seriously. Hence all the opthamologists in Dallas. You think I am kidding, but I'm not.
The Mary Kay Salesladeis have big conventions there a few times a year. They eat, dance, sing songs about Mary Kay, give testimonials about how Mary Kay changed their lives and made them an independent woman(cue Destiny's Child song), and many tears are shed, but not to worry Mary Kay makes a waterproof mascara. Don't get me wrong, I am not knocking any business that allows for women to take charge of thier own lives via lipliners and blue eyeshadow. I think that is great, but why the hell do they have to bother me about it?

These salesladies who approach me about Mary Kay while I am going about my business do not just want me to BUY Mary Kay Cosmetics--NO they want me to SELL Mary Kay cosmetics. It is like a pyramid thing---if they recruit me then they make profits from my sales--this is what drives them to be so aggressive. Even if I liked Mary Kay Cosmetics (which I DO NOT) I am so turned off by anyone aggressive. It is so annoying! And you know what is even more annoying? The reward for years of driving 20 miles to deliver a $8.00 lipsticks is a horrible PINK CADILLAC. God people is there anything more annoying than a pink cadillac? Oh --the other car you can win is a burgandy Grand Am. GRAND AM? My God, what is this 1989?

I think next time I am minding my own business and one of these awful clown face beauties bother me with Mary Kay, I am going to have to go all Kimora Lee Simmons on them and just be a total bitch.
Stick that in your pink cadillac and smoke it!

*No offense to anyone who sells or wears Mary Kay cosmetics. This blog is for entertainment purposes only.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

This is dedicated to the one I love.


Today my beloved, devoted, beautiful, and sometimes gassy Dalmation turns 10 years old. I have had Forrest since he was 6 weeks old. He has been a constant companion for 10 whole years. That is one third of my life. I feel lucky he has lived this long. Many people have told me that Dals do not live very long past 7. At 7 he started getting some kidney problems, and had to go on medication. Since then he has been really healthy (knock wood). He is the most affectionate animal I have ever met. I love that he is so affectionate, but if you are not familiar with Dalmations--let me give you a heads up--they shed. Bad. Very bad. Their hair is like little needles that get lodged EVERYWHERE! So, even though I love to love on Forrest and let him sit on my lap, my dry cleaner hates my guts! HA

My Forrest is very needy and whiney most of the time. He is not good with children, and he hates crowds, and men. I guess in a lot of ways Forrest is just like me! HA!

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Homey Homerton Peter Pie Pedro Muy Guapo Monkey Dog!

I love you!

Jen

Thursday, August 11, 2005

The DREADmill

Hi Friends.

Let me give you a little background about my family. WARNING --if you get depressed easily, QUIT READING NOW.
OK--Nothing really great runs in my family. No Nobel Peace Prize Winners, no Tony award winning stage actors, no astronauts, no Peace Corpse Volunteers. We have 2 doctors in our family, but alas they married into our family and do not share our bloodline or DNA. One thing my family does have going for it, is we have a few talented softball players--but really besides a college scholarship and a rainbow sticker on your car--what the hell else does softball give you?

We do however have a lot of food related diseases throughout my family history. Obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, heart disease, mental illness and alcoholism all run in my family. Ok, mental illness and alcoholism are not food related, but I would feel like a liar if I did not mention them--as they are pretty prominent- HA!

Lucky for me, I have been able to ward off most of these ailments by making wise decisions in my adult life. I try to eat healthily, I exercise regularly and I only drink in moderation. I have never smoked, and I have never done an illegal drug. I live my life in fear of my family legacy, and for the most part that works pretty well for me.

Here is my conundrum--I KNOW that exercising can decrease my risks for most of the ailments that run in my family, but some days it is all I can do to make myself get on the treadmill, or go to the gym.

We have a gym in our home--treadmill, weight set, (etc). Plus we have a TV with a TIVO so I can watch tivo'd episodes of Big Brother and Extemem Makeover while I exercise, but even that sometimes is not enough to entice my overly ample derriere onto the treadmill. I also pay $70.00 a month for a gym membership--that alone should be incentive to get my butt to the gym.

Am I lazy? Rebellious? What? I feel so much better once I get on the treadmill and get the heart rate up and the old endorphins roaring (Yes folks, my endorphins ROAR). Why do I have such a problem some days just GETTING ON THE TREADMILL?

You would think with all the crap in my family history, plus the fact that I am obsessed with body image, and gaining weight would make the decision pretty easy---and most days it is easy, but today I did not run. Instead, I succumbed to sitting on the couch watching While You Were Out on TLC with a glass of wine INSTEAD of running, lunging, and lifting weights. ACK--I ought to be ashamed, and I guess I am...otherwise why would I be writing something so pathetic in my blog? How in the hell is my butt supposed to get more taut and toned by sitting on the couch drinking wine? I want a Carmen Electra ass dammit!
Oh hell, if I just get a boob job then my butt will look smaller. It is all about perception--the old smoke and mirrors trick-- I know---RIGHT?

What do you all do to get motivated to do something that you know you should do?

Thanks and have a great day.

Love,
Jen and her butt.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

I have been tagged by Barbara from California

Hello Troops!

My friend Barbara from California has tagged me for 5 interview questions. Barbara is a very wise and insightful soul, so I waited a couple of days to answer the questions so I could think long and hard about my answers.
Fasten your seatbelts, cause here it comes.
Barbara asked me:
1. Name something that I love about living in America.

I love that as a woman in American I am not only free to get an education but encouraged to do so. I love that as a woman I can go freely anywhere I want.

2. If I was having a dinner party, name 5 people living or dead, who would I invite?

This is a hard one Barb. Let's see....Because I like to have fun at dinner, I would first invite Ellen Degeneres--I think she would be a lovely dinner guest, plus she would be hilarious and lead the dancing after dinner.
Next I think I would invite Nelson Mandela. I would love to hear the stories he has to tell. He is a truly inspirational human being, and I would love to bask in his greatness. Next I would invite Tom Ford. I would invite him because I have loved him for years, plus I would give anything to talk fashion with him--where he gets his inspiration and ideas. I think I would invite Jennifer Aniston--just because I totally think she and I could be good friends-HA. I cannot think of a 5th person that would mesh well with the other 4, so I will say Oprah. She is smart and knows a lot about many subjects, plus she is already buds with Mandela --so that would make things less awkward with him. In addition she could talk fashion with Jen and Tom and me. Ellen and Jen are buds too--so everyone will be connected some way. Tom Ford will fall in love with me and ask me to marry him, Ellen will dance, Nelson will be fabulous, and all will be right with the world.

3. Tell how my love of fragrance started and why I continue it. Have my tastes changed over time, and if so --in what way?

I do not know how my love of fragrance actually got started. I just remember being very very into scents and smells. My mother (when I was little) used to sell Avon. I remember wanting to smell everything that came in the orders--perfume, talcum powders, mens colognes. I always asked for perfume for Christmas and Birthdays as a little girl. I always thought perfume was so sophisticated.
I continue my love of fragrance now because it is almost like a way of life for me. Perfume is my favorite hobby. Every vacation I take I MUST visit the perfume boutiques. Thank God my Husband is very cool with that.
My tastes are always evolving. I still like a little bit of everything where fragrance is concerned, but I see that my taste has moved to the more deep, smoldering scents lately. I used to be drawn to only fresh and fruity scents, but now I crave something floral or even boozy--warm inviting scents. I will try just about anything though. It is surprising what works with my chemistry.

4. Name a country where I would love to go.

Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE to travel. I have been many places, but there are still many countries I would love to visit. I will say Greece. My parents lived in Greece when my mother got pregnant with me, so all my life I have heard wonderful stories about Greece. I have 2 neighbors from Greece also and they talk about it all the time. There is so much history to see there and things to learn. And do not even get me started on the food! OOMPAH!

5. If for some reason my husband and two dogs were out at sea, and needed to be rescued, how would I make sure that all of them could be rescued. If I had to make a choice--what would it be?

ACK BARB--this is a tough one. I have no idea how I could make sure all of them could be rescued--I guess I would call the coast guard and pray for the best. I am assuming you mean lost at sea? Just the thought of that scares me to death.
If I had to make a choice between saving my husband or my dogs, I would have to say my husband. My heart would totally break for my dogs as they are like my children,and sometimes I like them much more than I like my husband-- BUT my husband saves lives and helps many people every day in his job, so the world has much more to benefit from my husband being around, than my dogs. Plus my husband pays my rent-HA!

These were tough questions....now my wee brain hurts. Is 7:46am too early for a margarita? Just kidding!

Now here are the rules--if you want to be tagged and interviewed (be sure to add these rules in your post)
Leave me a comment on my blog saying *interview me please* I will respond by asking you 5 questions--not the same as the above questions.
If you answer the 5 questions, at the bottom leave the rules and offer to interview someone else. If they respond that they want to be interviewed--ask them 5 different questions--and this just keeps going.

Have a great day everyone!